“Oh look, he’s back to talking about the Flyers…”
I’ve now had a few days to process watching the Hunger Games lottery balls give the Flyers the shaft down to the 6th overall pick Monday night. I also had the luxury of screaming out into the void about it on the latest episode of the flagship show, dropping Thursday morning. Now that I am less emotional about it, it’s time to look at this offseason with realistic glasses instead of my normal orange and black tinted ones.
Okay, so the Flyers have the 6th overall pick. Cross off Schaefer and Misa, they are going one-two (probably in that order). The only bright side is that the next tier of prospects is both highly graded, almost all Centremen, and the Fly guys are in desperate need of a 1C. It’s almost impossible to determine trades or offer sheets in this league (although please do one or the other for Marco Rossi in Minnesota!!!) So I’m going to start this recurring article with the most basic clickbait found on sports-internet: a f&%#ing mock draft bay bee!
“JJ, are you Bedarded?! Why is it Mock Draft 0.5? And why are you only doing a mock of the first half of the first round?”
That’s a pretty simple answer, reader pals, we don’t know the order of the rest of the first round because the conference finals haven’t been determined yet, and yes, I’m probably a tad Bedarded… Anyways, here’s the top half of the first round through the eyes of someone who follows Canadian Major Juniors AND NCAA Hockey (Forks Up!).
1. New York Islanders: Matt Schaefer LHD, Erie Otters. The chance to draft a consensus 1D doesn’t come around all the time. James Hagens is politicking to be the pick here as a Long Island product and a damn good Centreman in his own right but he is not on the same tier as Schaefer so it’s not really worth discussing. Schaefer starts the tenure of whoever becomes the next Isles GM with a bang. Too bad they still have to play in Belmont though…
2. San Jose Sharks: Michael Misa C, Saginaw Spirit. This was the player whose picture I cheekily inserted in the draft lottery primer on Monday because I foolishly thought the universe would smile upon us here in the Free City and bless us with the ability to draft this elite talent to position next to Michkov for the next decade and a half. Then the universe chuckled and went, “No, JJ, but you can watch him with Macklin Celebrini and Will Smith, you dope!”
3. Chicago Blackhawks: Porter Martone RW, Brampton Steelheads. The 6’3″ winger had a monster season with the Brampton Steelheads, putting up 98 points in 57 games. Known for his size, scoring touch, and physical edge, Martone looks like the kind of player who could mesh well with Connor Bedard and add some grit to Chicago’s top six.
4. The Utah Super Soakers: James Hagens C, Boston College. I am a Flyers fan, that should be abundantly clear by now. But, I have an affinity for the greater Phoenix area (Forks Up)… So I hate Utah. Not as much as I hate Alex Merulo for ruining the Coyotes franchise, but I still don’t like what happened. Hagens, a 5’11” playmaker from Boston College, posted 37 points in 37 games during his freshman season, showcasing his elite vision and skating ability. Hagens could be a key piece in Utah’s rebuild, known for his dynamic offensive skills and high hockey IQ, providing a strong foundation up the middle. Also the Mammoth logo sucks, color scheme is killer but the logo is trash.
5. Nashville Predators: Caleb Desnoyers C, Moncton Wildcats. The cats decided that size, skill, and a French-Canadian last name were the holy trinity of hockey scouting. The 6’2″ Moncton Wildcats center torched the QMJHL for 84 points in 56 games, which either means he’s the real deal or just good at bullying teenagers on the East Coast. Scouts love his two-way game and high IQ, which is code for “he backchecks and doesn’t skate into walls.” Nashville’s hoping he becomes a franchise center — or at the very least, a really solid second-line guy who makes people forget about the Forsberg rebuild era.
6. The Orange & The Black (The Orange and The Black!): Anton Frondell C/RW, Djurgardens. Because when in doubt, draft a stoic Scandinavian who plays “the right way.” Frondell put up 25 points in 29 games in HockeyAllsvenskan, which is either a sign of elite potential or just the hockey equivalent of getting straight B’s in night school. At 6’1″, 198 pounds, he’s got that “I might throw a hit, but only if it’s morally justified” kind of frame. Scouts rave about his two-way play and hockey IQ, which typically translates to “he’s not flashy but probably won’t ruin your franchise.” Philly’s hoping he’s the next big thing — or at least won’t make fans boo during warmups.
7. Boston Bruins: Brady Martin C, Soo Greyhounds. This might seem like a reach if you look at some other mocks, but I believe Boston takes a swing drafting higher than they are used to. At 6’0” and built like a fridge with skates, Martin plays with that classic “200-foot game” broadcasters love to yell about, even though it mostly just means he hits people and doesn’t fall over. He also tore it up for Team Canada at the U18s, which means he’s legally required to be called “a future leader.” Boston’s hoping he brings some bite to a roster that’s been slowly aging into a retirement home, or at least throws enough hits to distract from the cap space situation.
8. Seattle Kraken: Jackson Smith LHD, Tri-City Americans. Seattle is universally linked to Smith, clearly embracing their brand as the NHL’s newest team with the oldest drafting philosophy: big Canadian D-men who “play the right way.” Smith, standing at 6’3″, plays a solid shutdown game, which is code for “he doesn’t score much, but he looks great doing it in slo-mo clips.” He put up modest numbers in the WHL, but hey, who needs points when you’ve got intangibles? Scouts rave about his gap control, stick positioning, and general vibe of being a coach’s favorite before even stepping into the NHL. The Kraken are likely hoping Smith becomes their version of a franchise defenseman — or at the very least, a guy who can clear the crease and give off strong “future assistant captain” energy.
9. Buffalo Sabres: Victor Eklund RW, Djurgardens. Nothing says “we’re serious this time” like drafting yet another smooth-skating, pass-first forward with a last name that sounds suspiciously familiar. Eklund plays for Djurgårdens, which basically guarantees he’s good at cycling the puck, wearing a tinted visor, and making it look like he’s trying really hard even when he isn’t scoring. With his high hockey IQ and effortless style, Eklund fits perfectly into Buffalo’s long-standing tradition of assembling teams that almost make the playoffs. If all goes well, he’ll slot in as their top-six winger in a few years or, at the very least, become a trivia answer to “who did Buffalo draft the year they swore it was finally going to turn around?”
10. Anaheim Ducks: Jake O’Brien C, Brantford Bulldogs. O’Brien screams “safe pick” like a big Canadian down the middle who plays like he’s auditioning to be the next third-line grinder with first-line hopes. At 6’2” and built like a snowplow, O’Brien put up solid numbers in the OHL, though scouts mostly praise him for his “compete level,” which is hockey code for “he skates hard even when nothing is happening.” The Ducks are clearly banking on him being the gritty, dependable backbone of their rebuild, or at least someone who can win faceoffs and occasionally chip in a greasy goal while looking mildly confused about how it went in. Anaheim fans might not be thrilled, but hey, you can never have too many centers who “project well in the bottom six,” right?
11. Shittsburgh Shitbirds: Radm Mrtka RHD, Seattle Thunderbirds. Mrtka brings size, edge, and a name that sounds like a Wi-Fi password, which are all key ingredients for Pittsburgh’s annual attempt to duct tape a defense corps together behind 40-year-old Sidney Crosby. Scouts love his physicality and “raw tools,” which is NHL-speak for “we’re not sure he can skate, but he sure hits like a truck.”
12. New York Rangers: Roger McQueen C, Brandon Wheat Kings. With a name so regal, it sounds like he should be announcing horse races. At 6’4”, McQueen brings size, reach, and just enough offense to convince the Rangers he might someday center the third line without scaring anyone. He’s got that classic “upside” label, meaning he could be a steal… or just a really tall guy who looks good in warmups if the injury history repeats itself.
13. Detroit Red Wings: Carter Bear C/LW, Everett Silvertips. Bear looks like he was genetically engineered in a lab run by Don Cherry. He’s got grit, a heavy shot, and just enough offense to keep fans dreaming of a future where Detroit’s rebuild ends before the next ice age.
14. Columbus Blue Jackets: Kashawn Aitcheson LHD, Barrie Colts. I realize that this sounds like a name from a ‘Chel custom MyPlayer, but his game is all real. He’s got wheels, bite, and just enough chaos in his game to fit right into a Jackets blue line that’s always two injuries away from total anarchy. It’s a sneaky good pick this far into the round.
15. Vancouver Canucks: Lynden Lakovic LW, Moose Jaw Warriors. I’ve watched more CHL games than a normal hockey guy should readily admit. I say this because I like Lynden. He’s a crafty winger from the Moose Jaw Warriors with the kind of offensive flair that makes fans forget he’s 160 pounds soaking wet. He’s shifty, skilled, and exactly the kind of player Vancouver will hype as the next big thing
16. Montreal Canadiens (via Calgary Flames): Justin Carbonneau RW, Blainville-Boisbriand Armada. Les Habitants de Montréal font la chose la plus évidente de tous les temps avec le premier de deux choix consécutifs. The Habs lean into the Quebecois with the selection of Justin Carbonneau, a right winger from Blainville-Boisbriand whose name practically guarantees him a spot on RDS highlight reels for the next decade. He’s got slick hands, a quick release, and just enough local-boy swagger to have Habs fans penciling him into the top six before he’s even finished growing a playoff beard.