I can’t believe I’m quoting Aaron Rodgers and I’m not on Ayahuasca
I can only imagine how bereft of satirical Philly sports content you people have been the last two weeks, wondering: “Did JJ get canceled?”, “Did Kevin fire him into the sun for [insert any of a number of potential reasons here]?” No. I was busy with non-holiday, non-real-life things, but they are over now, and you are unfortunately stuck with me as I am with you. So, let’s talk about the game that is hanging over the metroplex like a Peppermint Schnapps hangover, minty and full of despair.
If you’re reading this, hopefully you’ve already digested our Post Game Pod on this game that dropped late last night (shoutout Kev for the speedy turnaround). I’m not going to reheat the salient points I made on that show like a December 26th microwave job on leftover Spiral Ham… Instead, I’m going to focus on what I learned from that game and what info I’m taking away for the playoff run.
Make no mistake, this run is beginning in the Wild Card Round inside the friendly (albeit dingy) confines of the Linc… But I digress.
Secondary Walking a Tightrope
The secondary is 100% the most concerning part of this team right now. What has been a strength all season has slowly become the most tenuous of the three levels of the D.
Look, we all are conveniently forgetting that the 2 standout rookies in the secondary are just that: ROOKIES. No matter how transcendental they might be, they are first-year players and are 100% in the deep water in terms of games played in a season. If the luster and shine start to wear off a little bit, it should be expected at this point because neither Coop nor Quinyon has ever played more than 14 games in a season.
That wouldn’t be such a big deal if the rest of the secondary was ready to let them lean on their veteran presence but… CJGJ IS NOT GOOD. At least not good enough to warrant the level of shit talk that garners 2 personal fouls and a subsequent ejection. Additionally, Slay got roasted like a plump goose multiple times yesterday. I’m not chucking him on the pile that we left Bradbury on, I’m just saying it was concerning.
Saquon Barkley’s Humanity
Without the threat of Hurts running or an efficient passing game, Saquon is human after all. He still had an amazing game according to the stat line, and all those 4-yard gains in the second half when the box was loaded were commendable. But the number of negative gains in that same second half proves we, unfortunately, cannot build the entire plane out of Saquon, much to my chagrin.
Special Teams Woes
Special Teams need to figure it out. Kev touched on the Elliott kicking issues in terms of field goals on our recap show so I’m not going to beat the dead horse, instead, I’m going to simply mention that the distance on kickoffs was lacking yesterday. Whether it was because of the weather/wind or not, it left the ball being returned more often than not and the result was the Skin Commies starting around the 35 each drive, and boy that isn’t super helpful to the defense.
Relax, Philly
RELAX. This is a bit of a retread, but the sky isn’t falling, it’s just kinda cloudy… No one is out for the season, they only need one result out of 4 potential results to clinch the division and the #2 overall seed (1 win out of their next 2 or 1 Skin Commie loss out of their next 2). The NFC is not full of Josh Allen’s, Lamar Jackson’s, and Patty Mahomes’. It’s Jared Goff and whoever the starter in–checks notes–Minnesota is. This team is still the class of the conference and is the favorite to make it to NOLA, take a breath and have some more of that terrible “signature cocktail” that your aunt saw on TikTok but couldn’t make correctly so it takes like Anise and feet. CHILL.
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