RIP Dallas Cowboys.
It is a yearly tradition unlike any other. For the 29th year in a row (barring a miracle), the Dallas Cowboys will yet again not win the Super Bowl, they will not even make the NFC Title Game. The death march begins a little earlier this year as Jerry “I was at the Little Rock Nine Protests” Jones has built a squad that is fizzling out in spectacular fashion—ineptitude, injury, arrogance, and a lack of heart: The Dallas Cowboy Way.
Dallas Cowboys, How ‘Bout Dem Boys
Dallas laid a supercharged egg, at home to the Eagles on Sunday, losing 34-6. This drops Dallas to 3-6 on the season and with the mounting injuries, including losing Dak Prescott for the year, this all but concludes an abysmal season that was, if we’re being honest, over before it started. Dating back to their 48-32 blowout loss at home to Green Bay in the playoffs last year, the Cowboys have now lost 5 straight home games, losing them by an average of 22 points in each of those games. The only heat coming off the franchise is the sun, burning players retinas through the glass walls of the beacon of suckitude that is AT&T Stadium. This is because Jerrah Jones was the only owner stupid enough to build a stadium west-east instead of north-south and seemed completely blindsided by the concept of the sun. When asked he handled it like a true professional and stated, “Well let’s tear the damn stadium down and build another one?”
I am someone, based on my age, who grew up in a world where the Cowboys are solely a futile organization. I always heard the nickname “America’s Team” and was a bit befuddled. I know nothing of them as a dynasty. I know them as laughable bloat, a non-serious football team that will always show their true colors well before meaningful games are played. In my lifetime, I have never seen the Cowboys even play in a Conference Title Game. Even within their own division, they are a stepping stone. Since the Cowboys last were in the Super Bowl, the Eagles have won the division more, they have made seven Conference Title Games to the Cowboys ZERO, and the Eagles have won the NFC three times and the Super Bowl once. Hell, even the lowly Giants, who are essentially the Browns in blue jerseys, have been to three Super Bowls and won two in that time. I don’t possess the lived wisdom that the Cowboys were good and with their continued performances, I will continue to live that way. I look forward to seeing Micah Parsons join a real football team in 2026 when he puts on the Midnight Green.
The most important takeaway here is that Jerry Jones is sad and he will never possess the knowledge on how to fix it. That is the most important takeaway from all of this. He is a bad person and always has been, and without the ability to just spend more money than everyone else, he is a bad football executive. However, I personally wish Jerry Jones immortality because as long as he runs that football team his own incompetencies will make sure he never wins anything substantial again. The NFL’s Sisyphus.
Do the Cowboys have a shot or are they toast? Let us know in the comments below or on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok.
